Coaching has become one of my favorite-ever jobs. Every moment in a coaching session calls for my full attention and is a practice of mindfulness in and of itself. It’s an opportunity to do my best to put my own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, or perceptions aside in each moment, and really try to enter the world of my client. I strive to understand what their world looks like and what factors may have come into play in forming their worldviews/mental models.
It also involves consistently learning and exploring the best way to not simply communicate to the client, but communicate in just the right way that will be more likely to reach them for where they are at. It’s taking them into account as a whole — their beliefs, their blind spots, their understanding of how the world works. There are times when I may find it appropriate to try to open them up to a new way of seeing things, but for the most part, I’m not really trying to change anything about them per se. I’m instead trying to direct the conversation in a way that allows them to connect dots, better see things for themselves, and hopefully create some expansion in one way or another.
I really do believe it is an art. And it is one where your effectiveness as a coach is amplified by the inner work you’re doing yourself. It takes a level of maturity to be able to put yourself aside for each and every session or even topic within a session. But also the more work you do, the more you can directly understand what your client may be going through and ways to manage it. It then also often deepens your level of empathy or compassion.
Like with therapists, there are a wide variety of coaches with varying skill levels. Finding the right fit for you is essential. I also don’t believe credentials or education is everything. Coaching of course is still very much a field that is met with skepticism, and for good reason. The coaching field is not as regulated, and anyone can essentially call themselves a coach. I find this a bit daunting. But, there are also many therapists in the field who hold a license but really should not be a therapist. You can actually do damage this way — by being a therapist who doesn’t really care at the core — and/or has become intellectually lazy and no longer fully has the client in mind, or isn’t very self-aware, and so on.
I’ve found that people who have been through a slew of their own stuff and have learned to at least some degree manage it, tend to be often incredibly insightful. I’ve had clients of my own who have really been through it, and I’m so impressed by their resilience and knowledge.
Which brings me to the next point. I view the coaching relationship as one where we are two humans brainstorming together on how to achieve goals, or gain a better understanding of a situation or one’s self. I am not there to give advice (though I may give suggestions and ideas), or to act as though I’m the one with authority, like a teacher or student scenario. It’s important to not get too caught up in the idea of the role. This undermines the client’s own wisdom, intelligence, and/or personal ability to be able to figure whatever it is out on their own. I am there instead to truly listen with an open mind, show true care, establish a sense of trust, and help explore ideas, barriers, circumstances, or whatever else may come up in the session.
As a coach, all of the above I’ve talked about so far in this article is what I continue every day to strive to do. It doesn’t mean I don’t make mistakes. After the nearly 3 years I’ve been coaching, I still have days where I may self-disclose unnecessarily, or communicate in a way that isn’t clear. I have my weaknesses as a coach and I feel like I have (hopefully) become pretty aware of them. However, I think one of my biggest strengths is that I really care about my clients’ growth, I am naturally empathetic, and I care about doing my job well.
If you’re unclear as to whether to seek out a coach or a therapist, it depends on a number of factors. If you’re looking for help with the management or treatment of something like ADHD or anxiety, a therapist should have more in-depth training on different types of treatment modalities than a coach would. That’s not to say a coach can’t help you manage it, especially if they have direct experience with it themselves. It really has to do with the complexity of the issue, and how well the coach or therapist understands that specific type of issue.
Coaching tends to be more focused on how you can manage your life in the present better despite your past, while therapy may be more likely to dig into the past and take it more deeply into account (this also varies), and come up with more regimented or specific treatments for a diagnosis you have.
Outside of that, there is definitely some overlap, and if you can’t afford therapy, coaching may be a good place to start simply to have someone to help support you through your mental health journey.
Hopefully this gives a bit more detail on what the coaching journey may be like, and what their role should be. I believe that no matter whether you seek out a coach or a therapist, finding the right fit is the most important part to focus on in the beginning.
Please reach out to me at liz@mylifeinbalance.co with any other questions you may have, or if you are interested in coaching!
