I’ve noticed a pattern in that the more I gain life experiences, the more I understand and experience the nature of selflessness and real love, the more capability I have emotionally to simply give to others out of genuine care and not expecting anything back. Not only am I capable of it, it is essentially my default mode of operating. I no longer think about it; because operating from a small, conditional love or care is no longer part of my experience of reality. I’ve had too many experiences that expanded that. In doing this however, I have also increasingly noticed that there are people who are not capable of receiving that without interpreting it as some kind of expectation I am setting. It shows me how truly few people are accustomed to genuine care and depth, and are instead too accustomed to toxic dynamics, or at least dynamics lacking in awareness, that they can’t help but interpret my actions that way and fit me in that box.
I told my friend tonight that I feel as though on this Earth everything is a warped version of what it should be. You see something with so much potential and you focus on the good, but you realize that it can’t live up to its potential at least anytime soon due to strong barriers holding it back. And you see these barriers and you want to help lift them, it feels so easy to try to just simply lift them when you are seeing them so clearly, but then you realize that you are essentially powerless, that you only can do what you can do.
You might be able to point things in the right direction, you might be able to be an example of something different and hope that makes a difference, but you cannot do the work for another. The answer might be right behind them and you can point in that direction and only hope that they look. In the end you have to let go of control and let the situation or the person work themselves out in their own time.
As someone who is finally in a position where I have taken care of myself mentally and have garnered enough varied life experiences to potentially help others in some way, it is even more difficult for me to let go of control in this particular way, and can at times even be heartbreaking.